The Dark Half

In the early 90's I read a book that Stephen King wrote called the Dark Half. It was a book about a man who somehow, in a way that King could only make you believe, and scare the Ba-jeepers out of you at the same time, had absorbed his twin into him when he was inside the womb. Of course their are you classic moments in the book when he finds finger nails in his skin and parts of his twin, (have I lost any of my two readers yet?) and so on. Understanding that this actually happens, what sits with me still today about that book is the dual personality this guy had, like he was jekyl and hide, like he had this split personality, like he was me. He had an evil side, His twin was controlling him! or he allowed his twin to control him.

The flesh wars against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh. (Gal.) Continually day in and day out, I am wrestling with this twin, and he usually wins. Sometimes it is not all that bad, but sometimes it is real bad. For the most part it is this struggle of relationship vs. works. or Lust and Love, Why am I so eager to do something? Why is doing easier than being or relating or investing?

I started thinking about the Garden, you know Eden, I started thinking about what God gave to Adam and to Eve. Although we see it demonstrated to Adam and assume that Eve has been given this dual blessing as well. The dual blessing is 1. the perfect relationship and 2. the perfect job. Now what is interesting to me is that upon the entering of sin into the world by yours truly or Adam, whatever your theological fancy, Both of these blessings changed because of our choice to sin. The relationship changed because we tried to fulfill ourselves with someone other than God, and that would be us, The created tried to fulfill itself with the created, The created can only be ultimately fulfilled by whoever created it. Our self worth comes from this, it comes from the relationship with the creator. However, we got this idea somewhere along the line that we get our ultimate fulfillment from our job or our wife or sex or whatever rather than the creator, So we are like this huge glass that if we let the creator fill it, with his huge "symbolic pitcher" he can fill it, in fact the Bible says our glass will overflow out of the abundance of the creator. Or we have this little lame pitcher we try to fill our own glass with, and we are always wanting more, fill me up. please

So this perfect job has changed and the perfect relationship has changed, the problem is the job was only ever secondary to the relationship, Adam had the relationship with YHWH before the job, right? But from then on to 2009, we are primarily interested in the job, no wonder we wrestle with the evil side, we are really looking for that relationship, that big pitcher to fill us, when we get the realtionship right again the job will follow, and here is the kicker, the job was allowing the creator to fulfill the created too, but in a little different way, a way that the created could use the specific unique gifts that the creator gave the created, so now throw on top of all this the idea that instead of being able to do whatever you put your mind to, maybe we are so unsatisfied because we are not allowing the creator to teach us and show us what he made us specifically to do, we miss the relationship, we miss the job, we miss the job we miss the fulfillment.

The creator has gifted us uniquly to know what it is that he has made us to do, 1. have relationship with him and secondarily have worth through him as we bring glory to him through whatever vocational gifts he has made us to do. The moral infrastructure of our glass is cracked and cracking. We are to focused on our job, our spirit is dualling against the flesh.... we need to be filled by our creator, Relationship first vocation second.......

Membership Meetings and the need to feel Important

I have recently attended the last two membership meetings at my church. It is so interesting to see people and how they function when given a microphone, Some hold it as if it is this foreign object that they have never seen and act surprised when their voice is magnified when they speak into it. Or the person that just comes to really just raise havoc, whether they mean to or not, or that guy that asks the question that is totally out of place in regards to the context of the discussion going on, "Are there any questions for the staff"? Yeah uh, What about the pond, what are we doing with that? Stocking it with fish or what?, You have all probably been there.

Interestingly enough i have noticed something, or rather have been reminded once again about the nature us humans. We all thrive for acceptance, to trust, and to feel needed. Years ago when I worked in human services in NY for an organization that provided care for folks with Developmental Disabilities, I was meeting with my boss discussing why people leave their jobs, or do not show up for work. ( I was a manager in charge of schedules and appts. so I was blowing off steam about my employees to my supervisor) what he said next really has influenced me. This Guy was not a believer in fact he was a Jewish Rabbi that i have had many sweet talks with, but anyway he asked me what I thought was the number one reason people leave there job or do not show up for work. Of course in all my business experience I said, "They want more money or they are just lazy."

He began to tell me that the real reason, the number 1 reason people leave their jobs or do not show up for work is because they do not feel appreciated and that they do not think that they matter......

Now of course I am thinking this is pooey, I mean come on everyone leaves because of money..... But then I got to thinking of the jobs I have left due to money vs. relational issues.

I say all this as back ground for the last two meetings at my church I attended: The first meeting was in regards to passing a amendment or changing the constitution in regards to how much power or "say" the elders had. Our church has been through a lot in the last 5 years, and the trust factor is obviously down, people are feeling unappreciated and do not trust the leadership to have any more "say then they already do". This is a relational issue, the "bill" "vote" whatever was not passed by about a third maybe, enough to be a reminder of the need for people to feel safe and know that they want to be heard. This is an issue of self worth and control, and a need to be heard. The meeting brought heated discussion, hurtful questions, character attacks, people are scared, they lash out, they feel inferior, they thrive on relationship

Last night was a totally different story, This meeting was about money and the budget, Now what I find interesting is I am expecting this same group of people to be even worse, you know what, Unanimous, Unanimous in favor of all the budgets! What I mean this is money we are talking about, in fact a bigger heftier budget than last year, Passed it, no problem, People are not primarily concerned with giving their money as they are with knowing their money makes a difference, they have control over it, (so we think) we can see it put to use, we can say, "I matter, my money helped". I left the meeting once again surprised, but already knowing this concept this truth, that we are communal primarily and when we fee worth and security, we will give to anyone for any cause.

We just want to be appreciated, maybe for the wrong reasons, but we do, If we try to fill that with finding our self worth with something other then God we are left stripped, Naked, like Adam and Eve. The Creator is ultimately fulfilled by the Creator only.

People need to feel important, people thrive on relationship.